Ok, it’s not September and I haven’t been reading tacky fiction! I’ve been told my job is going to be made part time (for me that’s redundant – I can’t afford part time) Just that our managers don’t seem to know when..so I have a little “sword of damacles” hanging over me! And we do have CCTV…
Friends kindly (repeatedly) tell me God has a plan for me. For me it’s a bit like trying to see Magic Eye pictures – I don’t have binocular vision, so however hard I stare, I can’t see the image. I find it frustrating. By nature I’m a black hat thinker (for those who also like Edward de Bono’s “6 thinking hats”) and I see things by faith with huge and very learned difficulty. But I find what works for me is doing the incredibly hard plod work of applying for jobs, sorting the CV, talking to recruiters, buying work shirts (I’ve worn uniform for 12 years) and selling the promotable (apparently) concept of me to folk. That’s hard for a competent person who lets their work do the talking.
And by faith, trying to stay in touch with the King of the Universe, who promises daily bread, strength sufficient for each day but who doesn’t as far as I can see guarantee an easy ride in life.
Little stabs of clean white light come through – being headhunted for a vacancy – which I didn’t get – but which provided encouragement and good feedback. I know it’s grey pre dawn in my world, and that awkward light has the effect of distorting what I can see and that my friends are right. But it’s like my attempts at map reading – I find it hard to relate the symbols of the map to the contours and bogs and weird shape rock formations I can see in front of me. Symbols are always difficult for me! So each morning I’m praying (Ok some mornings) ” May he guide me through the wilderness, protect me through the storm, may he bring me home rejoicing at the wonders he has shown me, may he bring me home rejoicing once again into my door” (Northumbria Community Celtic morning prayer, adapted for those who don’t live in community)