What a week. I have made it safely to Friday.
But not without loving counsel, prayer, concerned friend worried looks, and the Taylor Wimpey HR lady who spotted a person who looked like a fish out of water in customer service. As one swimmer to another, I imagine a fish out of water experiences pressure, stress, and an awful sense of being unable to breathe. And top level panic – after all, fish are made to swim and to go nicely with chips. Well I also like chips….
I’ve learned this week that I can slowly and steadily trust God when it goes suddenly black. That’s not easy for me. I still only have a month temp work. But..I also learned that I can fit in to a team and be loved, take a fast paced job if I need to, and seriously impress at least one manager if not the one that actually mattered. I have to be honest and say that if I hadn’t got the month temping, I might be a little less upbeat and the trust would be a little more interesting. I’ve done the hard for me bit of owning up to God how rubbish it all is and I’ve done it with friends too. It hurts my self sufficient pride both ways.
I don’t like being needy. It’s hard to have friends with limited resources buy coffee and cake. And tears are not something that I will ever find uncomplicated even if they are good for me. I have to write the boasty bits so I remember them when things are dark. And to remember who I am in my heavenly Father’s sight as well as the solidly loved friend that I so obviously am. I need to remember though, that the answer on Sunday to how are you isn’t “fine” as one sensible friend who force fed me a half share of cherry polenta cake said. Not easy – I’d quite like to hide!! (which is of course why I am writing a blog!!)