I’m trying to make my mind up about something that I think might be useful, faith stretching and fun. It will also be tiring, have some personal cost and slightly infringe on a place I really enjoy escaping to and being part of. I’m having a hard time making the decision, which I don’t really need to make for a week or so, but I find it sits under the ordinary things I’m doing. It’s the downside of living alone – not enough distractions, too much time to think! A good friend has written me a detailed email which did the thinking I was too enthusiastic and shallow to do, and I’ve taken the time to ponder it with my notebook and a coffee after a failed attempt to swim in the crowded-with-kids-no-adult lanes pool yesterday.
Faith is stepping out your comfort zone, faith is faithfulness, faith is baby steps and trusting in the dark. Faith is also saying no to things that might be hurtful and having the guts to stick by the decision. Looking ahead down the motorway of life and reading the sign that says “take diversion, accident ahead”.
It’s an option I was open to a while ago but too scared to jump into, but offered now in a more risk averse way. Short of prayer-by-notebook and pondering, and realising that I am ramping my own anxiety level by over thinking on a summer day when I don’t need to, I find it hard to decide. God doesn’t, in my experience, tend to start a conversation with “go to..and say..” or “here’s a big sign in the sky telling you nice and plain to do….whatever”